Moving On...

These two first weeks have been interesting, to say the least. I already feel that I am playing catch-up with my schedule and getting my bearings all at once. My daughter and I have just moved from Healdsburg to Santa Rosa, specifically to centralize. For logistical reasons, we were not able to move in and get settled before school started, so our first couple weeks have been spent leaving one place and entering into another with various limbo spaces in between. We have been packing, moving, painting the living room, going to school, and working. I have been operating under the illusion that I need my home to be in a certain state of organization in order to be organized in other areas of my life. I say this is an illusion, because, it is not reasonable to have every, single thing done - I simply have to do the next thing and then the next.

I want my learning experience to be a kind of 'whole body' experience, as opposed to a task I must endure or get through. I notice that I have a number of tugs and pulls in various directions. I've decided that this is the way of life. The luxury of being entirely single-minded and singularly focused is a gift of time and space within life; in other words, we make our own experience, and how we approach a task is as important as the actual task. With all this talk we hear of multi-tasking, and all our efforts to master 'management,' we are encouraged to keep up and keep moving with little time to reflect. I find that what seems to be important is the act of showing up and of being present.

The thought of a community service project was initially overwhelming, and after much batting it around, I have arrived at a sense of willingness to participate in a different way. By this, I mean that I like the idea of interacting with other human beings in a way that can be illuminating, inspiring, or if nothing else, interesting. How can I impact others in a 'formal' or directed way? How might I be affected by taking part in such a process? I am curious to find out. Often times I find that the things I tend to resist, are the very things that yield something valuable. Stretching myself in this way, already seems to have a different quality than hurtling myself through ungraspable presents and futures.

Since we have moved, I have been able to bike to school. This is an entirely different experience, as I have been able to avoid parking gridlocks, and defer my book carrying to the saddle bags. I did not necessarily have 'green' motivations for biking to school, and at the same time, it is almost impractical to drive to school now, as we live only a mile away. This centralizing thing is already manifesting in positive ways and my bike is my steed - I can say that I feel 'back to nature' in an urban way. In spite of the state of my living room or the sea of boxes in the 'overflow' area, I am slowing down, getting more personally acquainted with the neighborhood, and with my surroundings.

I am excited about this term at school, and this class. I like our round-tabled classroom, as it reminds me of a real seminar class - another thing that has both intrigued and intimidated me: fear of exposure...So far, I am excited at the prospect of interacting on a group level, and practicing entering into new territory.

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